“Uuumm yeah”
“Hello mate, its me, you coming today or what?”
“what…. time…. is it?”
“Quarter to nine, so you better get lively if you want me to pick you up.”
“fuck man… your having a laugh… how long you gonna be… fuck I feel dog shit”
“Look just get your arse up and jump in the shower. I’ll be round in ten minutes”
“alright… bye bye bye bye bye bye”
Right, come on get out of bed. I swear I had a bird in here with me last night. Anyway, have I got any clean towels? Fuck. What am I gonna wear today. I don’t think I’ve got any clean clothes. Man I’m such a tramp. I’ve got to get a cleaner or just a washwomen, a really fit one, with big tits. I ain’t got time for this shit. I’ve got get in the shower.
“Alright Kid, what you still doing here”
“What time is it?”
“Its almost nine”
“What the fuck you doing up so early”
“I’m going to watch the boys play football”
“You not coming for breakfast”
“Nah man… what happened to them birds who were here last night”
“Fuck knows, they must of left, did you bang any of ‘hem”
“Nah… one was in bed with me but I didn’t fuck her”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I couldn’t be bothered to put a ‘Johnnie’ on. She was like ‘no glove no love’ all that shit. So I just thought fuck it, I’m going to sleep then love. I must have passed out, what about you?”
“I was way to fucked man. The one I thought was alright had a boyfriend and she wouldn’t fucking shut about him, she was boring me to tears and the other was a good laugh but she was fucking ugly”
“Yeah she was a laugh; it’s a same she was proper minging”
“Fuck football, let’s go and have some munch”
“Nah… I promised the lads. What happened to Pants?”
“He left about, I don’t know, half six. I was sleeping and I think he told me he was gonna walk home. I was like, ‘whatever mate, later’.”
“He’s always does that, he’s fucking crazy. You don’t remember when I went to bed do ya?”
“I don’t know… about half four”
Half four, five, six, seven, eight thirty, ‘bout four hours, that ain’t to bad
“Four hours ain’t bad”
“Yeah, I really haven’t slept at all, so if your fucking off I might crash here for a hour or so, until Blue gets up and go down to his place, fuck me I’m sill pissed”
“Tell me about it. What time did he leave anyway?”
“About two, three, He had to go back to the see the wife, I think he brought half a bottle of red with him, he was mash up”
“Fuck did me and him do karaoke last night”
“Yeah man it was well funny. You two were dancing on tables like crazy fools, it was wicked”
“Sweet, look I gotta go. I call you later yeah”
“In a bit”
“In a bit, kid”
Right, shower. Is that my phone, don’t tell he’s here already
'I’M OUT SIDE HURRY UP YOU DRUNKEN BUM'
Fuck man, I haven’t had a shower yet. Bollocks.
2 comments:
Lines Inscribed Upon a Cup Formed from a Skull:
Start not -nor deem my spirit fled:
In me behold the only skull
From which, unlike a living head,
Whatever flows is never dull.
I lived, I loved, I quaffed like thee;
I died: let earth my bones resign:
Fill up -thou canst not injure me;
The worm hath fouler lips than thine.
Better to hold the sparkling grape
Than nurse the earthworm's slimy brood,
And circle in the goblet's shape
The drink of gods than reptile's food.
Where once my wit, perchance, hath shone,
In aid of others' let me shine;
And when, alas! our brains are gone,
What nobler substitute than wine?
Quaff while thou canst; another race,
When thou and thine like me are sped,
May rescue thee from earth's embrace,
And rhyme and revel with the dead.
Why not -since through life's little day
Our heads such sad effects produce?
Redeemed from worms and wasting clay,
This chance is theirs to be of use.
Lord George Gordon Byron
Consider this when drafting your will Wonka.
Cheers Jim
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