Some Geezer’s Gay Wedding

He looks nervous, uncomfortable, doesn’t really see anyone he knows, just new strange faces. He begins to speak.

“I’d like to start by thanking everyone for coming, especially one person of course, Greg.
I know this probably isn’t the wedding everyone was expecting.
Particularly me, as most of you are aware, I was straight two months ago and about to marry my long term girlfriend Jane.
Jane's my best friend Paul's sister.
He was originally going to be my best man but with the circumstances.
He did say he was gonna come today but i think he had work commitments.
I think he had to go in tomorrow morning at twelve and didn’t fancy a late one.
I spoke to my mum who could’ve made it but she assured me that the traffic getting here was going to be real bad.
She turned back after she got out of our street.
My godmother was on her way, but sadly her dog died this morning, so as you can all imagine she’s heart broken.
All my uncles were very fond of Rover too, so when they heard this, they flocked to her house. “There were so many tears” one of them told me, “there’s no way they could leave the house, it’s like a fucking waterfall in here, good job two of us are plumbers.”
I would just like to have a moment to remember Rover the dog…
My three sisters can’t be here, because they had already booked a holiday to Spain and as its peak season, they couldn’t get their money back on a cancellation.
But they did say to mention them in the speech and hoped everything goes well.
So, thanks girls, I’ll have a drink on you!
My boss at work had a serious stroke yesterday afternoon and is also unable to attend.
The next door neighbours that I spoke about so fondly, have moved out.
I'm not sure where they have gone, it was all a bit sudden.
I like to thank Mick and Jim for organising this event so quickly, it’s happened so fast, I haven’t had time to think.
I’m sure your gonna be great parents, guys, I… err look… err forward to having...a long
Sorry, what the fuck am I doing here?
Who the fuck are you people?
What am I doing with my life?”

He runs fast, doesn’t stop till he is outside, lights a cigarette and walks down the High Street until he finds the nearest pub.