Jive Ass Mother 2

Leroy did exactly what he was told; he pick up the badger and ran as fat as he could. He was so confused with everything that was going on that he had no idea where he was going. He ended running in a circle, right back to the same ally that he had first went down.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WE DOING BACK HERE YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER, WE’S RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED!”
“Oh fuck your right”
“I KNOW I’M RIGHT! I can’t believe it; I’ve been pinched by the Black G.W Bush. Now listen to me you piece of shit… we can not stay here… motherfucker. We have to go some where safe. Do you know anywhere we can go where will be safe… cracker ass”

Leroy stared at the badger looked up and passed out.

“Oh shit”
Badger hurried over to Leroy and climb onto his chest; using his little paws he slapped the boy round the chops. This had no effect
“Please wake up; please wake up Jack, PLEASE… FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET BABY JESUS!”

The badger continued to slap the kid about the face, this was not working and the badger felt he was running out of time. He looked at Leroy with an apologetic frown. He turned round cocked his leg and squeezed as hard as he could. The liquid past from the badger with some force, flowing straight up Leroy’s nose, waking him extremely suddenly. Leroy jumped up screaming, wiping his face and blowing badger piss out of his nostrils.

“AAARRRHHHH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT…” Leroy was violently sick.
“Sorry motherfucker but you wouldn’t wake up. I had to get your shit to come round or we won’t be getting away. I DON’T WANNA GO TO THE GOD DAME MOTHERFUCKING KITCEN”
“What did you spray up my nose it smells like…?”
“…Badger piss?”
“You little cunt”

Leroy took one step and booted badger right in the gut sending him flying through the air, hammering the wall and crashing to the floor in a heap of hairy badger bewilderment. Leroy realise what he had done and ran over to badger to see if he was alright, he picked him up, when all of sudden he heard a familiar voice calling his name.

“Leroy is that you”
Leroy looked around but couldn’t see where the voice was coming from.
“Up here boy. Christ that kid’s stupid I’m sure that comes from his father. Up here Leroy it’s me… Your Untie Jackie, what you doing down their boy, what’s that you got in your hands”
“It’s a talking badger I stole it from a fat lady. I passed out and it pissed on me to wake me up so I kicked it in the gut. I hope he’s not dead”
“O.K darling, why don’t you bring your ‘talking badger’ upstairs and we’ll see if it’s still alive. What a fucking nut case”
“Cheers Untie Jack, I forgot you lived round here, how do I get up there?”
“You’ve got come round the front, I’ll buzz you in. I’m calling that boys mother!”

Leroy walked to end of the ally looking round he saw nothing, ran up to the front door and was buzzed in, he was safe and so was badger, if he was still alive.

Blue Crap Bar

She had long blonde hair that was cut short. Her eyes were bright blue but blood shot. Her teeth looked great and she had amazing leg. I tried to listen to the conversation she was having on her phone. I was sitting to far away and the pub was a little too quiet.

She was alone. She ordered another drink. The bar man sat with her and they spoke and joke. I sat there watching. waiting. I got the barman’s attention and ordered another drink. I didn’t want that hairy prick talking to my lady. He poured my pint and I caught the women’s eye. I told the Cock behind the jump to get the girl whatever she wanted. It cost loads, I hated this fucking bar. I went outside for a smoke.

“hey… thanks for the drink”
“it’s ok”
“i’ve not seen you in here before”
“i used to drink here a while ago but I moved on, so…”
“oh right I’ve been living here all my life… sorry my name’s Grace.”
“I’m Toby”
“you got a light”
“yeah sure”

I lit her smoke thinking what to say. I said nothing.

“I work here”
“oh right”
“yeah… I’m at college”

I couldn’t help staring. hair. eyes. teeth. legs…

“so you waiting for someone”
“no I just fancied a pint”
“yeah I’m working later… well in about an hour”
“ok”

I smoked fast I always do

“I’m gonna…”
“yeah I’ll be in, thanks for the light and the drink”
“ok”

The music was so shit that I wanted to cut my ears off and replace them with the CD in the stereo. The more I listened the hairier the barman would get. The hairier he got the worse he would stink. And the uglier his face and more deformed he would become.
Why did it take her so long to smoke maybe she wasn’t the one for me. Could she enjoy me for that long in the cold wet piss?
I started to fear the sweat coming down my features. I stood to walk out she walked towards me

“not going are you?”
“no I need the gents”
“oh ok come and joy me I’ll buy you a drink”
“yeah sure great thanks”

I didn’t need a piss.
I spoke to myself aloud.
Looking in the minor.
No one came in.
I came out of the shitter.
I was ready.
I sat down next to her.
She spoke

“my boyfriend just called he’ll be here in a minute his name Larry he’s from America he’s gonna have a drink with us before I start work, he's so wonderful!”

“oh… why don’t you fuck off you asshole!”

I walked out taking my drink with me. Sparked up a snout and went home. I'm glad I didn’t live here anymore. What a shithole!

it was the same

She asked me about the size of my left foot and why it was so much bigger then hers, I couldn’t answer. Why are there so many ways that we learn how to say the same.
All the time I think that we buy stuff and make things and listen to each other
We don’t make stuff and listen
I smoke
Take drugs and
Fuck
It’s not the same
But it look’s like we don’t care
I sit here looking at different ways
And I don’t care
The size of her feet is same anyway
The other day I saw a girl with a face as ugly as the next day in anyway